Love Letter

3^rd December 1931

Charles,

I am going mad. These feelings are devouring me from the inside out. My bones are being crushed with the weight of my own delirium.

Joanne. Her name evokes a thousand emotions. Her eyes hold so much, I wonder where her soul has been before. Because her name tastes like almonds in my mouth, salty and bitter at the same time. Because I imagine she’s fond of holding hands all the time, even when sleeping. Because she makes me feel like every day is December –when you look forward to waking up, even if the weather is freezing. Her laughter is the sunlight that melts the frost off my heart. Because she doesn’t know how to sing that I want to make music for her, hold her hand, and hum her to sleep every night. Because she makes me think of someone else besides myself. That with one simple glance, a half-smile, I hear my heart about to burst inside my chest.

How I wish that this fever never ends.

                                                                                                                                       F.R.

Metaphysics

I believe that souls are reborn. (Or maybe Cloud Atlas has inception-ized my brain.)

Who could I've been in my past life? Maybe I was a jester at King Henry VIII's court. I may have been a surfer dude in Hawaii. Or a professor of music in some esteemed school halfway around the globe.

Who am I now? I'm not so sure, but if we define personality by what people do, then I guess, I am a senior media planner (pinay media planner, naks) in a media agency. Funny how it sounds so generic, like it could be anyone. It doesn't quite answer the question. If we define ourselves by the job we do, it feels like we know so little of ourselves we let our circumstances define who we are. But then, how does one define personality? But I digress. This is not the point of this post.

I would be somebody else the next time my soul is reborn. I could be somebody else now in a parallel universe for all I know. However, I will never know that I've been reborn. I can speculate that I've had a past life but I would not be able to recollect moments of that supposed past life. I guess that's why we say "You Only Live Once" nowadays. I believe in souls being reborn and in YOLO. Ironic, isn't it? Not quite.

In parallel universes I might've exist or still exist, past lives I might've lived through, but my here and now is well, here and now, right at this moment. I will never be more conscious that I am alive than I am right now. Flesh and blood, living and breathing at this moment. What I do now I won't be able to recall next time. So I say let's stop taking each moment for granted and start living.

The point of this post? Nothing, just trying to be profound for a change (and trying to eliminate writer's block in the process). ;)

...

Uyyy nakaka-relate...

Lover to Lover by Florence + The Machine

I’ve been losin' sleep,
I’ve been keepin' myself awake,
I’ve been wandering the streets,
For days and days and days,

Oh if I’m row to row,
Back to back,
Lover to lover,
And black to red,

But I believe,
I believe

There’s no salvation for me now,
No space among the clouds,
And I’ve seen that I’m heading down,
But that’s alright,
That’s alright,
That’s alright..
That’s alright..

And I’ve been taking chances,
I’ve been setting myself up for the fall,
I’ve been keeping secrets,
From my heart and from and from my soul.

Going from row to row,
Back to back,
Lover to lover,
Black to red,

But I believe,
I believe
There’s no salvation for me now,
No space among the clouds,
And I’ve seen that I’m heading down,
But that’s alright,
That’s alright,
That’s alright!
That’s alright!

Row to row,
Back to back,
And lover to lover,
And black to red,
And row to row,
Back to back,
And lover to lover!

No space among the clouds…
And I feel I’m heading down…
But that’s alright,
That’s alright,
That’s alright!
That’s alright!
That’s alright!
That’s alright!

Row to row!
Back to back!
And lover to lover!
And black to red!
And row to row!
Back to back!
Lover to lover
To lover to lover
To lover to lover
To lover to lover
To lover to lover
To lover to lover…

No salvation for me now…
No salvation for me now…
No salvation for me now…
No salvation for me now…

Mope Monday

You were so sure you'd be okay. You'd be able to move forward.

So, why are you moping today? And, why does it feel like you're physically here but everything seems so dreamlike?

  

I love you, Sabado.

Schizotypal

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||| 18% Schizoid |||| 18% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||| 74% Antisocial |||||||||| 34% Borderline |||| 18% Histrionic |||||| 30% Narcissistic |||||||||| 38% Avoidant |||||||||||| 46% Dependent |||| 18% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||| 46%

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Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

 

 

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior; preoccupied with seeing themselves and/or the world as strange/odd
 

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