Actually, I have a wound.

Do you need one, too?
Image from here.

I thought it would go away if I ignored it. I tried putting a band aid on it so I won't see it. When it was painful, I looked the other way and tried to focus on other things so I'd forget the pain.

I was wrong.

Wounds don't heal if you ignore them. They'd fester and grow and gnaw at you. And end up worse than before. They don't heal too if you pay too much attention to it though. It takes time and the right amount of effort for it to heal completely.

And that's exactly what I'll do - take my time to heal. Feel a little less guilty for saying how I feel; be okay with the fact that I still feel offended. Most of the time, it feels like I have no right to feel slighted. That I should be okay with how things are - keep an open mind and be understanding of other people. Listen to them pour their hearts out. Share their pain. Offer words of comfort. All the while holding everything in and trying not to explode. It's my fault too. I have never been a "sharer"; I keep things to myself too much. I really, really, really tried my best. But I realized that I need to fix myself first. Maybe even keep a bit of distance for a while if that's what it takes. I was a fool to believe that everything would return to how it was.

I'm sorry.

Tyrion Made Me Cry

"Of Joffrey's death I am innocent. I am guilty of a more monstrous crime...I was born. I lived. I am guilty of being a dwarf, I confess it. And no matter how many times my good father forgave me, I have persisted in my infamy."

"This is folly, Tyrion...Speak to the matter at hand. You are not on trial for being a dwarf."

"That is where you err, my lord. I have been on trial for being a dwarf my entire life."  

And tears began to fall. Crybaby, that's me.

Image from here.

8 Things You should NOT do everyday

Here's an excerpt:

2. Multitask during a meeting.

The easiest way to be the smartest person in the room is to be the person who pays the most attention to the room.

You'll be amazed by what you can learn, both about the topic of the meeting and about the people in the meeting if you stop multitasking and start paying close attention. You'll flush out and understand hidden agendas, you'll spot opportunities to build bridges, and you'll find ways to make yourself indispensable to the people who matter.

It's easy, because you'll be the only one trying.

And you'll be the only one succeeding on multiple levels.

Read the full article: 8 Things You should NOT do everyday.

VIII.

"I have learned that when sadness comes to visit me, all I can do is say "I see you." I spend some time with it, get up, and say goodbye. I don't push it away, I own it. And because I own it, I let it go." Carolina Zacaria

Why is it so difficult to write?

Where to start?

The last month of 2013 has not been kind to me and I had to reassure myself that I can get through the storm. I don't really want to go into the details of it here and there has been too much time spent talking to friends about it offline that I kind of feel better now. But not totally better. Then New Year came and work officially resumed. It's only been two weeks since then but it feels like it has been two months already.

I attempted to update this blog (way too many attempts, to be honest) but nothing ever materialized. I have too many draft posts that probably wouldn't see the light of day. Too many starts that end up abandoned and unfinished. It's so hard to write. It's hard to write what's true.

Then I got this health scare that's still bothering me. I keep bleeding for things, literally and figuratively. I feel uninspired. Tired, too. And I know this isn't going to last but I hope it ends soon. This Zombie phase when you feel like you're on helium and everything just passes by. This phase of trying to be selfless but then deep inside you hurt and it eats at you. And you try to be fair but then you start thinking: What about me? That's how I feel. That's the truth.

Stop and Stare

It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust...

Time to wake up and decide if it's fight or flight.

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere...

I don't think all my efforts were lost or didn't amount to something. The truth is it's kind of tiring and I'm not certain if I want to do this for the rest of my life. That's the first big step, that admission. Though I'm still stuck because I can't figure out what to do next. What do I really want then?

You start to wonder why you're here not there...

Exactly! But then again, where should I be going?

2013 Year-end Survey

    1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR

    Jonnalee! Coffee buddy every morning! Di naman specified kung anong klaseng drink anyways. (I'm getting old!)

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend/s)

Same answer as last year! (Hi Zan, Ivan, Nik, Yshio, Kim, Cris, Gandara, and Melai!)

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEW FRIEND/s?

Patrick, Reyza, and Sarey. #NoRegret

Shobe (Belle) and Alch!! :)

3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?

June-July, around that time I started swimming :)

4)LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?

Two: When Midnight passed and some time last December when something "life-changing" happened to me (but, thankfully, those days passed quickly, na-depress lang ako ng total of three days haha). 

5) BEST HOLIDAY?

Malaysiaaaa truly Asiaaaa! (Holiday nga ba 'to?)

6) YOUR SONG FOR 2013?

Be Still, The Killers (Battle Born)

7) MOVIE FOR 2013?

She's the One! HAHAHAHAHA.

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S WITH AND WHERE?

Che, Volt, and Shara! Ate at Recovery Food for the first time then went to S&R to do some grocery shopping. AND recorded our version of  Nora Aunor songs that we used as ring tones in the next couple of months. :P

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?

Waley! May seminar kami nun.

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?

FRENCH BAKER

14) KISS OF THE YEAR?

Hershey's Kisses

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?

Move over. (Oo, over hindi on).

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2014?

Change careers! (Charot lang, pero sabi nila jokes are half-meant hihihi) Yung totoo? Magka-boyfriend. Joke. Yung pinaka-totoo: Bumili ng lote or ng condo.

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?

Ohmayghaaaaaaaad I haven't been senselessly drunk last year.

18) TV SHOW/s OF THE YEAR?

Innocent Man hehehe. Kang Ma Roooooo!!!!

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)?

ARISTIDES BEJOSANO I love youuu! I'm also grateful to Shara and Jonna for keeping me sane throughout all the ups and downs of the past year. And of course, special shoutout to Zan for being the big sister I never had (Parang antanda mo Zan no!).

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?

Chopped my hair off.

21) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?

Don't be afraid of going to the doctor/dentist. I-schedule na yang executive check-ups at dental check-ups na yan!

10 Book Recommendations

(In no particular order)...
1. Black Swan Green, David Mitchell
2. Bring Up the Bodies, Hilary Mantel
3. The Sense of An Ending, Julian Barnes
4. Dark Places, Gillian Flynn
5. On Writing, Stephen King
6. The Art of Fielding, Chad Harbach
7. Middlesex, Jeffrey Eugenides
8. A Visit from the Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan
9. The Hours, Michael Cunningham
10. The Long Walk, Stephen King