The PMDD effect

Sa totoo lang parang gusto kong umiyak.

Posible palang makaramdam ng tatlong magkakaibang emosyon sa loob ng isang araw: pagka-dismaya, pagka-lungkot, at pagka-inis. Sabagay, halos magkakapareho naman ang tatlong 'yun. Minsan magkakakambal talaga silang dumadating.

Dapat kasi hindi ko na inamin e. O ngayon, apektado tuloy ako masyado. At least, dati naisasantabi ko pa, nagagawa ko pang maging indifferent sa mga nangyayari. Haay, pero nandyan na yan kaya kailangan ko na lang matuto kung paano mag-cope.

Ayun.

Flee

Focus on a sole purpose

Of putting one foot in front of the other

Concentrate on breathing as my lungs gasp for air

Stay standing when my knees begin to buckle

And my legs start to shake at the weight of my own existence

Run until my legs are weak

Speed blurring the boundaries of certainty and uncertainty

Run until my lungs seem to burst and the drumming song muted, just another tune

All that would be left is me running around the orbit of my own world

Chase away all other thoughts

Save for the track, only the track is present

Save for what is here and now

Empty out all anxious thoughts

All words I long to say but will never express

Turn all emotional turmoil into a tangible, physical pain

Which I can endure

This is what I can endure

This is the reason why I run.

*Image from here.

Backbends

Well, you can say I'm pretty out of sorts lately. Frustrated might even be the right term. So when I went to belly dance class last night, I was in a distracted mood. Not to make excuses of my not so perfect performance, but to describe how worse it even became given the funk that I am in. Usually, I look forward to dance class because it provides some form of comic relief from my manic Mondays. My class is on Monday nights, by the way.

Nobody ever warned me that belly dancing is difficult. I have always marveled at how belly dancers can shake their booties effortlessly and always wanted to embody the same grace that they exude when dancing. Think Shakira! It looked pretty manageable from what I see in TV talent shows and so I gave it a try. It's actually in my bucket list.

When I attended my first class, I discovered that there was more to it than what meets the eye. Flexibility is important but control is more crucial. I have to learn how to move certain parts of my body - my shoulders, my hips - in isolation. I'm proud to say that I'm improving when it comes to the shoulder movements but when it comes to the hips, err, let's just say I need more practice. More practice and more swag.

There are days when I don't like myself; you know, days when all your little flaws annoy you. Last night was one of those days. And with so many things running through my mind last night, my dancing skills can be compared to a tree stump reluctant to bend at the slightest touch of the wind. Well, you can say I was depressed. And somehow, I thought of quitting altogether.





But I will not.