Goodnight Baby

I didn't get to see her alive when I woke up this morning. I did see her: curled up inside a shoe box, her amber eyes open but unseeing. She must've been in pain even during the final minutes. I stroked her head one last time, took a deep breath, and knew that I will never see her again. If only I did not linger in bed, if only I didn't hit snooze and just went downstairs immediately...Ohmyghaaad, I'm tearing up again :( I'm a walking bag of guilt and grief. Anyone who ever had a pet they loved could probably relate to the sadness.

She started to throw up last Saturday night and refused to eat ever since. She ate our house plant. Cat owners, house plants are toxic to cats. I thought she was going to be better today because we already, finally, went to the vet yesterday. (Too late :( ) She had three shots for her fever. The shots were meant to relieve her of it. She still didn't want to eat last night, not even a drink of water. Before I went upstairs to sleep, she was just sitting on the floor, trying hard to sleep, shifting positions every so often. I guess the pain never allowed her to sleep.

She's barely two years old. She's quiet, unlike Hachi or Kimba who tend to run around the house, breaking things. Midnight was skinny; she's pure black with piercing amber eyes. She used to follow me around the house, even inside the toilet. She responds when you call her name. She knows who she is. She's scared of thunder and the sound of drums. When there's a visitor inside the house, she scurries upstairs to hide. Her favorite food is chicken liver. Oh, and she likes hunting birds, too.

Goodnight Midnight. I'm sorry. I should've taken you to the doctor sooner. I hope it's true that cats have nine lives. I hope you're waking up somewhere, a newborn kitten, living her second life. I miss you already. I love you.

VI.

“I want you and I don’t want to be a luxury. I want you to need me. I want you to not be able to concentrate because you’re thinking about me. I want you to reach for your phone because you thought of something you have to share with me. I want you to not even be able to breathe at the thought of never seeing me again, because that’s how I feel about you.” 

Shannon Stacey, All He Ever Needed

Siren Song

My heart: it’s pounding and it’s restless and it’s peaceful all at the same time. It’s singing a tune I never thought I’d hear again. A siren’s song: ancient, beautiful, yet familiar. I hear it whispering life into the intricacies of my body, pumping blood to every nerve and sinew.

The water whispers: Come. My heart sings in answer: I am ready.

Image from here.