Meowwwwwww.

Eto ang totoong #selfie

Lady of the Lake

Kayangan Lake, Coron, Palawan (c) Ivan Nebres, May 8 2013

Last year,in Camiguin, I fell in love with waterfalls. Last week, in Coron, I fell in love with lakes.

The best Php150 I spent on entrance fee, even better than a ride-all-you-can pass at any amusement park in the Philippines. If only I could bring this lake into our backyard (kahit wala kaming backyard?). I can't help but think of Desiderata when looking at this picture.

Exactly a week ago, I was in an eatery at the Coron public market having dinner with friends; we were sipping Bulalo soup when the power resumed...and then it went out again. Funny how one side of the town was lighted while the other side (unfortunately, the side where we were eating) was submerged into temporary darkness. That was our first night in Coron. Our activity that day was surmounting the 720 steps up Mount Tapyas, dragging our feet back down, all the while wishing there was a zip line we could ride back down, and then passing out as soon as we reached our air-conditioned hotel room. We stayed at Amor Pension House which is about twenty minutes away from Coron town proper.

I liked the place where we stayed, mainly because there was a videoke machine. Haha! We watched cable TV in the morning until we hear our tour guide knock on our door. The pillows and bed sheets were clean. I'm not anal about this stuff but the pillows were so huggable I slept soundly each night. 

On day 2, we went to Kayangan Lake. Day 3 was for Barracuda Lake (Where we saw a Barracuda! Surprise, surprise!) and the Twin Lagoon. Aside from the lakes, we also went snorkeling. Although, for me, Balicasag in Bohol still remains to be the best snorkeling site EVER. An army of tube-like  jelly fishes served as welcoming committee as we visited the shipwreck and other snorkeling sites. The beaches were not much different from the pristine waters of Camiguin, the sand as fine as polvoron. On our third day, a jelly fish the size of a hamburger bun interfered with our beach bumming activities. We chose to stay away from the water, however inviting and refreshing it seemed. Instead we had fun making 'graceful' jump shot attempts until we were sunburnt. After that, we purchased a 1.5L of Coke to rehydrate and laughed at the most stupid knock knock jokes we can think of. 

All in all, the lakes stood out. You can just close your eyes, float effortlessly (since you're wearing a lifevest) and say out loud: This is the life! Or in my case, I felt like the lady of the lake suffering from a bad case of bedhead and wearing an orange lifevest to keep me from drowning. No, I don't even know how to swim. Walang pakialamanan.

Lastly, the food! I enjoyed eating in Coron. Kahit sa mga simpleng carinderia lang kami kumain, ang saaaaraaaap ng pagkain! My favorites are Coron Central's Kare Kare, the overflowing Alimasag and ripe mangoes during the island hopping days, and the roast chicken at the public market. Oh, and try their danggit! I'm not sure if there is a distinct delicacy inherent to the town though.

And now, here's us giving Coron our seal of approval :)

At Barracuda Lake :)

III.

"So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." (Jorge Luis Borges)

II.

“Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. Make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. Despair will come. Find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. Most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love, and madness combine and course through you. A love that will never dilute - even when the waters get deep, and dark.”
—N’tima

#Selfie

I have been rebonding my hair for five years straight. And suddenly, I don't want to do it anymore so I cut it all off. Now, it's back to its original curly state. It feels like everyday is a bad hair day. But it's okay. Sometimes, I regret cutting it but most of the time, I'm fine with how it looks. :)

I procrastinate every now and then but I'm no slacker. Kabisado ko na ang sarili ko 'pag dating sa work (I know myself well, at least when it comes to work). I may not be the type who takes work seriously  too seriously but I can proudly say that I'm good at what I do. Not the best but competent enough.

I have lesser temper tantrums now compared to when I was younger. Haha. I've realized that it's okay to feel irritated or sad or not in the mood but it's not  an excuse to start treating people like shit or to drag other people down to share your misery.

The L word. Yes, love. As Laida Magtalas would say: Big word. Strong word. Learned not to throw this word around. And learned not to be in love with the idea of being in love. (This part is so cheesy. Pagbigyan. Hahaha.)

I like myself better now than when I was in my early 20s. My early 20s was  full-on raging hormones, a time full of mistakes and rash decisions. Not that I did not enjoy making those mistakes (although, some I do regret doing), heck, I learned from all those bad moments. Most of the things I remember from when I was younger were things that scarred me. Now I keep the scars in sight, to remind me of the things I should never ever do again.

Also, not to say that I did not like myself back then. I was a risk-taker... to a fault. But I've changed; I know how to use my head now, instead of just blindly following my heart. I've learned to take care of myself better. I've learned self-respect.

I like myself  better, as I am, in the here and now. I hope I'll feel the same down the road. Hey, life can only get better :)

Image from here.

Meltdown

You were okay.

You were okay but you see something that throws your equilibrium away.

You see something that throws your equilibrium away and you try to control your temper.

You try to control your temper and try to convince yourself that you have no right to be angry.

You try to convince yourself that you have no right to be angry but the anger still bubbles inside you and you try to conceal it.

You try to conceal it but then you also want to talk about it but you’re tired of people undermining your issues.

You try to control your temper again and then something happens.

Usually you let it go and don’t make a fuss about it.

But then you just blow your fuse and you rage at the simplest things.

And you drink in your rage, you drown in it. There seems to be no holding back any longer.

Marital Affairs

Tea would calm me down, he thought as he put the kettle on. It’s been a while since he had the house to himself and he felt uneasy. He was unaccustomed to the house being so silent without his daughter.

Little Nell’s attending a slumber party at Lucy’s. It was Lucy’s birthday. She’s at that age already, Richie thought. He wondered when his daughter would finally refuse to be kissed in front of her friends. Or when she would demand to be called Ellen instead of Little Nell. Time, it goes too fast.

He pushed the thought away. He didn’t need – didn’t want- to think about that now. What he needed was to enjoy this rare moment of solitude. He switched the TV on and settled for the 6 o’clock news on Channel 7.

“Three patients escaped from the local mental ward this afternoon. Two are already in custody while the other is still at large. The third patient allegedly sprayed Finesse on the orderlies’ eyes. How the patient got the hair spray is still being investigated. The said patient is manic-depressive and has been institutionalized because of violent outbursts in the past.”

A chill ran down Richie’s spine. His breathing came in short, shallow gasps. He muted the TV. Jane, he’s sure it was Jane.

His first memory of his wife –ex-wife – was the scent of Finesse. She was addicted to it. He met her on a blind date. At first, he thought it was sweet – how Jane took the time to style her hair for a blind date. He found out later on, when they got married, that she used hair spray every single day: Jane standing in front of the mirror, spraying away before she went to the market; a little touch-up before dinner; throwing a fit when his hands wander through her hair while they kissed. The scent of hair spray permeated their whole house when they were still living together, all those seven years before the divorce.

And it was that scent – the one he always associated with unripe bananas, so sweet yet so bitter – that polluted the air he was breathing at the moment, turning his mouth dry. Why didn’t he notice it moments before?

Richie suddenly realized how alone he was, sitting on his leather couch with the TV as the only source of light. He tried to think straight. He was relieved for the first time that Little Nell wasn’t with him. He stood up and switched on the lights. That’s why I feel so out of it. He was about to check every room when he heard her voice from the kitchen.

Richard, dear, you forgot about the kettle again.

He froze.

Richard! Richarrrd! Richarrrd! I said you forgot about the kettle! Riiiichiiieeee!!!!

He heard her footsteps coming nearer the living room.

Hello honeeyy! It’s been so long, Jane said, as she hugged him.

Hey Janie. Let me just turn the stove off. He said. Jane released her and followed him into the kitchen. She sat at the dining table, her right hand cupping her chin. Her brown eyes were wide and unblinking, following Richie’s every move.  She watched as he poured the contents of the kettle into a thermos.

Honey your hands are shaking. Do you want me to do it for you? She asked in a sing-song voice.

Richie shook his head and said: I can manage.

But you’re all trembly. Are you tired? Do you want a massage? Jane stood and started to approach Richie. Richie backed away and hit a wall.

Are you afraid darling? Don’t be. I’ve changed you know. I don’t start fights now y’know. Not like before. She said while caressing his right shoulder.

Not like before. Before: she would throw anything she could get her hands on when she was angry. Richie thought this was normal. Everybody’s got a tipping point. Until the outbursts became more frequent. And it was not just the anger, but the series of feelings she can have in a span of a few minutes. She can sob over a messy living room floor, laugh at herself for crying, become infuriated at the mess and start throwing things around. Richie chalked it up to stress; she’s probably still adjusting to being a new mom, trying to learn the ropes of both motherhood and running a household.

One day Richie arrived from work and heard Little Nell crying. He could also hear Jane’s shouts stemming out from the living room. His pulse started to quicken and he ran from the garage, straight to the living room. He found Little Nell slumped on the carpet, her nose bleeding. Jane was pacing the floor, rambling.

Richie picked up Little Nell quickly and carried her to the kitchen, got an icepack, and put it on her bleeding nose. The child whimpered in pain. He kissed her forehead. He waited for the bleeding to subside and then went upstairs to put Little Nell in her bed. Meanwhile, Jane continued to shout like a banshee in the living room.

Jane! Stop it! Stop it! What’s the matter with you! He bellowed from the stairs, barely containing his anger.

With me? What’s the matter with her? I clean every nook and cranny and here she goes shitting on her diaper. She’s a smelly thing. I change her and then she runs around writing on the walls with crayon. Does she know what clean means??? I bet she doesn’t, she’s a smelly thing I tell you. Get her away from meeeee! Or I’ll slap her good until she gets what cleanliness means! I will, I tell you, I wiiiillll.

Richie was dumbfounded. This isn’t his wife anymore, it’s like she’s possessed. Jane continued to pace on the floor, kicking imaginary dust bunnies once in a while. She wouldn’t stop mumbling. She was so caught up in her own reverie that she didn’t notice Richie picking up the phone, dialling the police station’s number.

That was the end of their marriage. Jane was detained and then admitted to an institution. She was diagnosed with manic depression sometime later.

Jane continued to massage Richie’s shoulder. He noticed bruises on her wrists and tried, once again, to move away from her. She caught him looking.

These? Those orderlies were very bad to me. I only wanted to eat chocolates but they wouldn’t give it. So I threw the tray at them. I told them they were assholes. ASSHOLES, ASSHOLES. I invented a chant for them. I was so smart. Every time they visited my room, I start to chant. I even splashed them with soup. I was only trying to let them give me chocolate but look what they’ve done. They tied me to my bed. I didn’t mind. I could still chant at them. She let out a high-pitched laugh at the memory.

Richie you look like one of ‘em orderlies. Her eyes bulged as she grabbed at his neck, choking him. She let out little grunts of anger as her fingers locked tighter into Richie’s throat. He tried to wriggle away from her grip but the more he tried, the harder it was to breathe. He felt his throat closing in, his eyes weary and heavy. And then there was the scent of cloying, bittersweet, unripe bananas before finally, everything fell into darkness.