Leaving on a Jet Plane

Hello, I'm still here. Hi. :)

Forgive me if this will be in Taglish. Nakakamiss kasi mag-Tagalog.

I wonder if there will ever come a time when I won't cry inside the plane whenever it's time to leave Manila and go back to Singapore. After some time, masasanay na din kaya ako?

I thought I wasn't going to cry this time around. It was such a short trip anyway; akala ko saglit lang naman ako sa Manila so di naman siguro ako malulungkot nang sobra. I was able to spend time with my parents, meet up with Ivan after two years, eat Crispy Pata and sing videoke all in one day. My friends even accompanied me to the airport and stayed until it was already time to board. Plus, Jonna and I was on the same flight (though different seats). The fact na may kasabay ako on the plane is a relief already.

Okay na ko e. Okay na talaga sana e.

Until my seatmate, si Ate (sorry, I don't know her name. I should've asked!), made a call. Pasaway, nasa loob na nga ng plane e tumawag pa. The below is my best recollection of the conversation. I wan't trying to eavesdrop but given that we were seatmates, well, there's no way not to hear.

"Babe, nasa plane na ko. Di pa gumagalaw. Hinihintay pa ibang pasahero.
Anong ginagawa mo? Matutulog ka na? Yung bigay ko sayong kumot, sa'yo lang yun ha? Wag mong papagamit sa iba.
Kaya ayokong umuuwi e, nalulungkot lang ako kapag babalik na.
Naiiyak ako, babe."

Well, nauna pa yata akong umiyak once I heard that phrase. And then she started crying on the phone, too. Haay, the plane has not even started taxiing on the runway - we were still in Manila - and there I was bawling and not caring while other people stare. Will I ever not feel homesick anymore?

After a few minutes, Ate asked me: "Okay ka na? Nakakalungkot no?"
"Okay na ko, Ate. Thank you."
Then, she offered me two Tictacs and patted my shoulder.

Things to do...

(Effective immediately)

1. Run M-W-F.
2. Swim on Saturdays (starting next next week after the big move)
3. Read at least an hour a day.
4. Stay calm and focused.
5. Be open to whatever comes next.
6. Learn like you'll live forever.
7. Be kind to others and to yourself.
8. Speak your mind.
9. Make mistakes.
10. DGAF.

Scaredy Cat

Image from here.

List down mundane things that scare the sh*t out of you:

1. Microwave ovens: This is how it usually goes: I put in the frozen thing inside the oven, close the oven door, set the timer, and then...I run. I only return when I hear the "ting!" which means it's safe done. I try to avoid using one as much as possible. But, since I only have time for frozen dinners (sosyal! read: 711 or Cheers ready-to-eat frozen stuff) especially on weeknights, I use it two to three times a week. My fear of microwave ovens started in our old office (GT Tower, 33F, hehehe) when one of my office mates had an accident when she put in a hard-boiled egg inside the oven. When she cracked the eggshell, it, literally, exploded. The guard came rushing in inside the pantry and thought there was a bomb or something.

2. Escalators: Only the "going down" ones because there's a high risk of having your feet "eaten" by the machine. On a regular day, you already have to worry about not being a klutz and getting your foot eaten but the risk doubles during rush hour. Don't you just hate it when there's too many people on the escalator and no space in between you and the person standing in front of you. I prefer to have 2-3 steps allowance. Distancia Amigo. 

3. Confined spaces or objects that makes you feel boxed in: In one of our holidays, my friends and I decided to do reef walking. You have to wear this sort of astronaut-like headgear which is 25 kg and your only lifeline connected to O2. You wear it and then you submerge yourself into the deep blue sea for God knows how deep. So, it came my turn to descend to Neptune's realm and had to wear the astro-Oxygen helmet. I wore it, climbed the steps down the boat, held on tight to the ladder attached to the boat while my feet were already in the water and then...I cried. Sorry, just couldn't take it. Felt like I was being suffocated. Ironic, since the helmet is a mini Oxygen tank. I backed out and missed out on counting how many starfishes were there on the ocean floor and the chance to star in an underwater video.

4. Elevator rides, in general - Well, I'm claustrophobic. Aside from the tight space, I guess I've watched too many horror scenes with ghosts inside the elevators and I tend to recall the scenes whenever I'm alone in an elevator. Or am I really alone? :/

5. Flying ipis. No explanation needed.

6. Dogs. Because they bite. Most people will never understand. In the same way that I will never understand why some people are afraid of cats.

7. Contact lenses. Touching your eye is scary enough; putting something inside it is even more scary. Cheers to eyeglasses!

8. Electric sockets. Just because a) you can get electrocuted; b) it can short-circuit and cause a fire; c) it can short-circuit and you can get electrocuted before it starts a fire.

There. They all seem so harmless but when fear takes over the controls, then it becomes a different story - things just become scary in a very weird and almost funny way.

August

 In the silence of her heart
She whispers
Her fears, her secrets
The shadows that haunt her soul
In the silence of the night
She lets her self be led
Into a place where she's free to crumble
Where it's okay not to be so strong
Where waves of distress can engulf her
Without a care as to who may see
Or hear
That place is hers
And hers alone
No one is allowed to enter.

Drunk Post (Singapore Edition)

I haven't been this drunk since what, February??

I should still be working by now. But because there is a farewell party tonight, I have been drinking since 6.30. And yes, I am drunk. 

So forgive the grammatical errors and such. Cut me some slack will ya? Hemingway said to write drunk guys. I'm just following his advice. 

Singapore has been good to me. Sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed and ask myself: "What the hell were you thinking?" But, most of the time it's okay lah. I can't even think of a reason to come back to PH (except for my parents, my cats, and my friends, of course). I'll be sad if I ever leave Singapore. It's like I can build my future here.

---end of drunk post--

I keep waking up at 3 a.m.

And I keep on remembering "The Conjuring" wherein the protagonist wakes up at 3:15 am every single night. It's scaring the living daylights out of me. I find it difficult to fall back into sleep and, usually, dozes off at around 4 am already. That's why I feel so grumpy when my alarm goes off at 6:45 am.

So I looked online for possible reasons why this is happening. Apparently, there are a lot of literature on the subject  - scientific ones and paranormal ones. A lot of other people seem to experience it, too.

As expected, many pointed out that this was the witching hour and the time when spirits supposedly are stronger. But there were scientific reasons offered, too: low blood sugar and your adrenal glands shooting up because of stress. Another one  I found interesting: self preservation.

"It's probably a throwback to when our ancestors had to watch out for predators, so they wake up at 3 a.m. to see if everyone is still there."  (Read full article.)

My favorite explanation is this one offered by Traditional Chinese Medicine. You can read it here. I like it because it integrates scientific and spiritual/emotional reasons together. If you have time, read part 2 as well.

I'll try to remember these reasons when (and if) I wake up at 3 am again tonight. ;)

Shiok!

First off, HELLO!! I have been putting off writing here for some time now because, well you know, life happened. With all the frenzy of moving to another place, this blog has taken a backseat. So yes, HELLO THERE. May this be the start of regular posts again (cross-fingers).

I’ve been meaning to write about the big move to Singapore. And it seems really timely to do it now, at this point in time. Why? Because same date year ago, I was riding a bus, headed to Boat Quay in search of Neko no Niwa and that bus ride was one of the highlights of my solo Singapore trip last year. It was my first time in SG and I was alone and I was lost most of the time but... I didn’t care. I just wanted to sit on the bus, stare out the window all day, and relish how clean, how beautiful, and how peaceful this place was.

I have never thought of working in another country before. I was happy where I was. I liked my workplace in the Philippines a lot. I love my teammates. I am mom to nine cats. And I live with my parents and my brother; I would miss all of them if I go – and why would I want to go in the first place?  I know, these are all just excuses because I didn’t want to step out of my comfort zone. E, dito na lang ako. Ok naman ako dito. Everything changed with one bus ride.

Fast-forward one year later and here I am, already done with my first month as an expat. I was homesick most of the time during the first week. I remember trying hard not to cry and hearing my voice break the first time I called home and heard my mom’s voice on the phone. One time I was eating lunch at a hawker center alone and suddenly missed my parents and my eyes began to water. Again, I tried not to cry in public. Then, there were nights I’d cry because I missed Hachi. HAHA. Homesickness is real.

But, of course, after a while you get to adjust. And I’m very thankful that my flatmates are so cool. They are my family here in Singapore and they fed me (HAHA), taught me the do’s and don’ts (e.g. always keep left, “Can” means okay, taxis with red lights are busy, etc.), put up with my corny jokes, and basically made me feel at home. 

My first real struggle happened at work. I couldn’t understand what people were saying and vice versa. They talk in Singlish real fast. One time, I was talking to a media partner on the phone and I couldn’t really follow what she was saying. I asked her to repeat several times already. So I just said: “Cannot understand. Please email instead.” LOL. After a while, your ears will adjust (and your Singlish skills will, too) and I pretty much can follow conversations now.

Need I elaborate on the food here? Just look at my Instagram and you’ll see food shots 90% of the time. I used to complain that they have big servings here but now I find myself finishing off those big servings. Singapore is a melting pot of different cuisines – Chinese, Western, Malay, Indian, Japanese, Korean. There are so many dishes to try. I always look forward to meal breaks here HAHA. Side kwento: my boss’s goal is to feed me until I reach 50 kilos; five kilos more than what I weigh now.

So, there. That’s my first month in a nutshell. It's a long weekend this coming week and I plan to swim a bit and go check out a few places I've never been to yet. It has been amazing so far and I’m looking forward to the months ahead. Looking forward to more adventure! 

Ron

In the rain, you walk

In search for a hand

For you

To hold.

In your red plaid

And your round spectacles

You splash around

The drops of rain falling down.

In between the city

Across the bend

Where black and white meets

Looking for colored raindrops

On the street.

Today in Music

In another life,
My teeth and tongue
Would speak aloud what until now
I've only sung


:(

Elevator

Once, twice, thrice. She lost count of how many times she banged on the door. Her hands were bruised and sore; her voice hoarse from shouting. She didn't even know what time it was. Her wristwatch already stopped. Claire couldn't stop crying; her imagination was running wild. It was dark and she felt suffocated. Resigned that the door will never open, she slumped on the floor and felt the hairs at the back of her neck rise. She felt like she was being watched. Black smoke was emanating from the narrow crack of the door. She thought she saw eyes glinting beyond the smoke. She trembled. Whatever the thing was, it was trying to open the door. She heard it laugh as it shoved the door open, preparing to grab her. She screamed with all her might. Aaarrgghhh!

"Ma'am! We're firemen. We're here to save you."

*Found this in an old writing notebook :)

The Inkblot Test

Look at the picture below. What do you see? Me, I saw the Eiffel Tower.

See it?

Quizly says: "The Inkblot test dates back to the 19th century and can accurately indicate a lot about your personality".

There were pictures, though, which looked something else to me and did not match any of the choices. For example, there was an inkblot which, to me, looked like two dragons but dragons were not included in the options. So, I just ticked "Animal that's not a cat or dog" since it's the closest description.

After eight questions, you'll get a result. Here's mine:

Yeah, exactement.

Take the quiz here.

11:11

11:11. They said I could make a wish. So whenever I catch the clock hitting 11:11, I'd say your name. More like a prayer than a wish. I'd only stop whispering your name when it hits 11:12. You'd think I was crazy and being all voodoo-like but for someone as shy as me, who freezes and gets tongue-tied in your presence, this is my appeal to the cosmos, my attempt to rally the universe behind my cause. And that is, for you to take notice of me. Besides, I'm a girl and a girl can only do "first moves" so much.

I don't think it's working either. Well, there was one time when we passed by each other in the corridors and you gave me a half-smile and I smiled back. It took all my strength not to swoon/scream right then and there. But that doesn't mean anything to you I know. Other than that, nada. Come to think of it, I rarely even see you. And if I do see you, it would be around two seconds and then, you're gone again. Five seconds max. Elusive, like the golden snitch.

There are days when I feel okay. Newsflash: I don't think about you every second. Moments when I forget that you exist and I'm just so caught up with whatever it is I'm doing like work, like writing or reading. On days when your absence is prolonged, my heart calms down and it doesn't look for you. But then, because fate is really mean, those 2-sec sightings happen and my heart is again thrown into a frenzy. It becomes greedy and looks for you everywhere; wants everyone to be you. Then I won't see you again for a long time and it's calm. Until I see you again. And the cycle of heart attacks begins again.

I don't know how this came to be. It was just a simple crush. But then, I made the mistake of saying it out loud, told my friends about it and before I knew it, voila, full blown Superbass whenever you pass by.

I'm writing this because...I don't know. Because, maybe, it's hard to say it, hard to tell you, in person. I needed to get it off of my chest. Tell you about it somehow before the forces of nature spirit me away to my most awaited adventure. My last attempt to send the message across without having to open my mouth, literally. And, mind you, this is the closest to a confession you're gonna get. So there.

XXVIII.

I keep on 

Looking for you in places

Where I go

Where I know you won't be

I keep on looking for you

Wishing that the random stranger who walks like you

Is indeed you

Wishing that by some twist of fate

Your feet leads you to where I am

And then I'll see you where I never thought I would

But until then

Until that serendipitous moment

I will keep on looking for you 

I'll keep on searching for you in everything

Everywhere

I will keep on wishing it's you.

2014 Year-end Survey

    1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR

    ??? Drink? What drink??! lol. 

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend/s)

Same answer as last year! (Hi Zan, Ivan, Nik, Yshio, Kim, Cris, Gandara, and Melai!)

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEW FRIEND/s?

Panalo kapag kay Dia Manalo!

3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?

September!!! I fell in love with Siem Reap. I wish I could go back. :) (Soundbite while walking along Pub Street: Ladeeeh, do you want Marijuana?? I give youuu.")

4)LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?

Maybe when we went to Bangkok and we were scammed and the tuk-tuk driver told us to f*ck off. 

5) BEST HOLIDAY?

My solo Singapore trip! Four days of walking and walking, getting lost, and enjoying my own company. And of course, the sunburn. :)

6) YOUR SONG FOR 2014?

Don't Look Back in Anger (Oasis)...HAHAHA...Well, 2014 was really a bad year.

7) MOVIE FOR 2014?

Maleficent--only because I watched it in SG (yes, I'm a social climber like that lol).

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S WITH AND WHERE?

I'm not sure hehe. For sure, it isn't memorable. :P

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?

Well, attendee ng Yule Ball. Harry Potter theme daw kasi e.

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?

BONCHON.

14) KISS OF THE YEAR?

Hershey's Kisses

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?

Forgive. But never forget. Because an elephant never forgets lol.

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2015?

Travel the world.

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?

Kumain ng buhangin. Don't judge meeee!

18) TV SHOW/s OF THE YEAR?

Jane the Virgin FTW!

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)?

Aris, moon of my life, my best friend in the whole wide world. :*

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?

Pota, wala. Napakawalang kwents ng 2014 ko 'yo!

21) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?

Eat more vegetables, read more books. Write more. Write pa more. Tama na Clash of Clans (weh?).