I.

"I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that?"

Silver Linings Playbook, Matthew Quick

Love Letter (Part II)

14 February 1932


Charles,

I saw her. Last night, in a dream.

We were in a park, strolling and holding hands. Leaves were falling all around us. Bright red ones, orange leaves, golden foliage. I cannot recall most of what happened but a lightness in my chest lingers. It's like sunshine spreading out to the darkest corners of my insides. Even now, I still feel it.

In truth, I haven't seen Joanne in a while. But, it is as if, she is with me all the time. I am certain that our paths will cross again. An invisible thread connects the two of us; an umbilical cord binds us navel to navel. With my every pulse, I can hear the drone of her heart and I know, somehow, somewhere, she's waiting for me to find her again. Until that pre-destined moment of our meeting, I hope my dreams of her would never end.


F.R.


*Happy Hearts Day everyone! :)   

Post Script

Do not lean on me in the dark when we're watching a movie that started it all 12 years ago.

Do not tell me Cosette has those big beautiful eyes.

Don't tell me I'm sweet when I pour tea for you.

And do not tell me that you like that song.

And never ever send me a message that I'm not supposed to get, a message that's not for me.


In turn, I will not talk softly while we're seated next to each other watching a movie that started it all 12 years ago.

I will not say how cute Marius is.

I will no longer pour tea on your teacup.

I will ignore that song everytime it plays.

And I will never ever let those messages break my heart again and again.

2012 Year-End Survey

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR?
Will you believe me if I say that, although there are moments of intoxication, drinking sessions for 2012 have been rare.

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend/s)
Same old, same old :) Ivan, Zan, Yshio, Melai, Nick, Kim, Crissie, Rems

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEW FRIEND/s?
Hala, wala akong maisip. Bilang anti-social naman ako.

4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
White Water Rafting, Ice Skating, Sleepovers. Days bursting at the seams with adventure.

5)LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
There was a period when I got depressed. That happened some time in late September.

6) BEST HOLIDAY?
Three-day backpacking up north: Bolinao, Alaminos, and Baguio (May 2012)

7) YOUR SONG FOR 2012?
Sara Bareilles: In Between the Lines

8) MOVIE FOR 2012?
Argo eff yourself! :)

9) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S WITH AND WHERE?
I was with Melai, having V-Day dinner at Racks :D

10) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
Fighting crime trying to save the world as Blossoms of the Powerpuff Girls.

11) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
Giligans hahahaahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahaha. Haha.

12) KISS OF THE YEAR?
I did not kiss anyone this year boo-hoo! Char!

13) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Ask the hard questions. And, decide to move forward whatever the answers may be.

14) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2013?
Go back to school! And be vegetarian twice a week.

15) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Give your calling card to a guy at the bar who turns out to be a former matinee idol (?). And then, realize the morning after that he is, indeed, that heartthrob from Click.

16) TV SHOW/s OF THE YEAR?
Pwede bang book of the year na lang? Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

17) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)?
See number 2.

18) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Ummm, wearing skirts more often? Seriously though, I don't think I've changed much.

19) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Bring back analog weekends. ;)

Love Letter

3^rd December 1931

Charles,

I am going mad. These feelings are devouring me from the inside out. My bones are being crushed with the weight of my own delirium.

Joanne. Her name evokes a thousand emotions. Her eyes hold so much, I wonder where her soul has been before. Because her name tastes like almonds in my mouth, salty and bitter at the same time. Because I imagine she’s fond of holding hands all the time, even when sleeping. Because she makes me feel like every day is December –when you look forward to waking up, even if the weather is freezing. Her laughter is the sunlight that melts the frost off my heart. Because she doesn’t know how to sing that I want to make music for her, hold her hand, and hum her to sleep every night. Because she makes me think of someone else besides myself. That with one simple glance, a half-smile, I hear my heart about to burst inside my chest.

How I wish that this fever never ends.

                                                                                                                                       F.R.

Metaphysics

I believe that souls are reborn. (Or maybe Cloud Atlas has inception-ized my brain.)

Who could I've been in my past life? Maybe I was a jester at King Henry VIII's court. I may have been a surfer dude in Hawaii. Or a professor of music in some esteemed school halfway around the globe.

Who am I now? I'm not so sure, but if we define personality by what people do, then I guess, I am a senior media planner (pinay media planner, naks) in a media agency. Funny how it sounds so generic, like it could be anyone. It doesn't quite answer the question. If we define ourselves by the job we do, it feels like we know so little of ourselves we let our circumstances define who we are. But then, how does one define personality? But I digress. This is not the point of this post.

I would be somebody else the next time my soul is reborn. I could be somebody else now in a parallel universe for all I know. However, I will never know that I've been reborn. I can speculate that I've had a past life but I would not be able to recollect moments of that supposed past life. I guess that's why we say "You Only Live Once" nowadays. I believe in souls being reborn and in YOLO. Ironic, isn't it? Not quite.

In parallel universes I might've exist or still exist, past lives I might've lived through, but my here and now is well, here and now, right at this moment. I will never be more conscious that I am alive than I am right now. Flesh and blood, living and breathing at this moment. What I do now I won't be able to recall next time. So I say let's stop taking each moment for granted and start living.

The point of this post? Nothing, just trying to be profound for a change (and trying to eliminate writer's block in the process). ;)

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