Honey, where are you?



-Milan Kundera


Honey, where are you?

Work was chaotic today. Too many things to reconcile; too many things to fix. Sometimes, I just stop and stare at my monitor, not knowing what to do next nor even where to start. I wonder how many more days I have to spend like this. The thought of sitting right next to you, in silence, my hand in yours makes this day bearable. I hope your day was better than mine.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you're doing I hope you can feel me writing this. I hope that the universe gives you some kind of hint that somewhere, someone is thinking of you - someone you've never met - that whatever you're doing right now, whether your nose is buried in a book or you're finishing a blueprint or having your nighttime walk,  you pause and marvel at this inexplicable feeling of spontaneously knowing that the person who holds the other half of your heart is sending you a cosmic message to hurry up and find her. I hope you find me sooner. I mean, I hope we stumble upon each other sooner rather than later. I'm getting tired of kissing frogs who turn out to be assholes in the end.

So, again: honey, where are you?   

*Quote from Milan Kundera. Image from here.

This week in Music

Thank you Rems for introducing Corrine May and her music to me. I love love love "Beautiful Life," "Let it Go," and "24 hours." Corrine May's music is optimistic; inspiring us to live each day as if it were our last day on earth, to see through the hardships, and look forward to the happy moments after the storm.

My personal favorite is "Beautiful Life." "Beautiful Life" talks about (well) life, how we live it, and the struggles that come with it. Most especially, it talks about the joy that comes from those struggles. My favorite line: "It's living every moment, like it could be our last/ for our hearts are restless/ 'til they rest in love's caress." Whenever I hear this song, I remember my recent Mindanao adventure with the ones closest to my heart. I feel like the song embodies the attitude that me and my friends have towards life - going on an adventure, living it to the fullest, and struggling to become better persons.

"24 Hours" is quite similar to "Beautiful Life." Corrine May asks: "If I had only 24 hours to live, what would I do? What would I do?" Again, the overall theme is living in the now. "It's easy to lose track/ it's tempting to look back/ Fill our hearts with regret/ For all we couldn't do, for all we should have done but didn't take the time to/ But it's not too late/ We've still got today." A song that reminds you that it's never too late but at the same time reminding you that tomorrow's not guaranteed thus, the right time to act is NOW.

And this one's "Let it Go":

"Let it go, let it be/ Don't waste all your emotion on this tit-for-tat machine./ Let it go, let it be/ Let it go." Note to self. :)

Also, last Sunday, I was able to finally see "The Phantom of the Opera" at CCP. At long last! Thus, I crossed it out on the "Things I've Never Done" list. It was such a treat to my auditory nerves. Hehe. I wasn't able to see much of the details of the stage and the actors' facial expressions but it doesn't really matter. It was such a delight to just listen to the orchestra and to the voices and the feelings that are enveloped inside those voices that you can close your eyes and still feel what was happening, feel how each character was feeling, and relate to their emotions. All by just listening. Some might argue that this defeats the purpose of going to the theater where the visuals are as important but to me, the music was powerful enough that you can forget all else. Of course, this is different from just listening to the songs via Itunes or Youtube; there's a certain enchantment, a certain grandeur when you hear the songs sung live, played by a real live orchestra.

My favorites were "The Phantom of the Opera" and "All I ask of You." I liked how Christine sang "All I ask of You" versus the version I got from Youtube. Whereas the Youtube version was soft and sweet, during the live performance Christine delivered it sweetly but with an urgency so rigid it expresses her yearning for Raoul and the cooped up tension she felt caused by the events which preceeded the scene at the rooftop. I also liked how the Phantom, in his despair, sang his part in a thin voice at first conveying his self-pity, his longing and then gradually, in an angry, vengeful tone cursed Christine for betraying him. In other news, I regret missing "Cats" last year.

Happy Friday! :)

*Btw, this is my 100th post! Yay! :)

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What was it like to become deaf? She thought about it often. What if she can’t hear hurtful words thrown her way? She can see the offensive person’s lips moving; forming shapes but no sound, no pain, no anger can be heard. Would it be a sure way of avoiding grief? Sometimes, just hearing the voice of the person you despise can shatter your perfect day. It would be wonderful if there was just a mute button somewhere that she can press so as not to hear his voice.

She may not know everything there is to life but this much she knows: friends understand you, without you having to explain. All she was asking for was for him to understand why she had to back out. Friends do not judge. They do not label - well, except for playful labels that friends use to tease each other with. Friends do not make mountains out of molehills - because again, they understand or if they don't, then they TRY.

If only there was a way to block his voice out. If only there was a way not to feel hurt. If only it was easy to cut a person out of your life.

At times like these, she thinks about those who are there for her, who love her despite of all her inconsistencies; people who tell her: "It's alright, you didn't make good on your promise but we still love you." People who are realer than their egos.

Writer's Block.

Type.
Delete.
Space.
Type.
One word, two words, three words.
Stare.
Tap the keyboard.
Knock on the tabletop.
Frown.
Delete.
Enter.
Bite lower lip.
Fidget.
Sit up straight.
Pause.
Listen to music.
Eavesdrop.
Fidget.
Smile sadly.
Fidget.
Sigh.